If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
