the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
