Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
