do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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