There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
