I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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