i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
