my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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