When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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