THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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