Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
