That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
