wanna go halves on a baby?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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