You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
