dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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