I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
