Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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