Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
