i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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