you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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