I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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