Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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