omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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