I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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