I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
