I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize