wanna go halves on a baby?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
