White coat. Heels.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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