So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
