Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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