Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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