i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
