I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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