Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
