Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
