508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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