I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Enjoy the penises
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
