So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Houston, we have a squirter
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
