Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
