she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
