if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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