the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
