ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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