That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
