..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
