none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
