Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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