Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
