I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's shark week go big or go home
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
