Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
