found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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