he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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