dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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