How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
