My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
