So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
