All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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