If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.