everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
