Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
