Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
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I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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