OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
