dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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