I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's never too late to be topless.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
