So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
