ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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