She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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